darkbluec0nstellations asked: What was your favorite part of the Reunion Tour?

marielxhearts:

I think my favorite part of the Reunion Tour, outside of playing awesome shows with some of my best friends because that’s a given, was realizing that I COULD do the things I was afraid to do and they wouldn’t shatter me. I could stay up all night, I could drive the biggest vehicle I’ve ever driven, I could sleep for less than 4 hours and still survive, I could travel across bridges and mountains that I wasn’t sure I’d ever make it across - all things I was so afraid to do before and things that I would let ruin me on previous tours. 

I think perhaps one of the most rewarding things, and a great realization for me, was when I was driving with my friend and it was sunrise and I was begging him to pull over so we could sleep because I was so afraid that staying awake would ruin the day for me. On tour I am so careful about my voice and my mood and all of the tiny things that can affect a performance. All of our friends were slowly waking up and he just turned to me and said something along the lines of “you are alive, you are fine, and you can sleep later. You get to be here with your friends watching the sun rise over the desert, now, and not later” - a desert I had only imagined when I was little. It kind of really sunk in how I can let anxiety ruin things that are so beautiful and rare. How I can miss out on life because I just see a goal at the end of the road. I see a show, a tour, an album, a job I have to finish but not all the stuff in between which is really what makes you what you are. 

at the end of the day you can write a list of all the things you’ve accomplished but the things that really stick with you aren’t the release of day of your record, but how much it took for that day to come.

Sometimes you have a really bad year so far where every day is a struggle and you’re super sad no matter how hard you try, and you have a particularly terrible day but out of nowhere your best friend surprises you with cupcakes from your favorite place in NYC that you would go to every couple weeks with her, and a card with the saying she wrote to you the morning before you left NYC for the last time to move across the country and everything is okay.

Despite that looking at the box makes you cry on and off all day.

I want to go home.

seattle people

hang out with me. i want to go on adventures and play outside and drink beer and explore and i literally have found three people so far who are like minded (hi, plants_please!). this a big city, where are you all hiding?

I’m writing home to tell you
That I miss it all so terribly
In the way that makes your stomach ache
And your hands begin to shake
My hands still shake

I need to see my friends 
And I want my family